


Black Submarines

by CokeZero



Series: My Albums A-Z [11]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fights, Fluff and Angst, History nerd Shane, M/M, Marriage, Near Death Experiences, Non-Graphic Violence, PTSD, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sailor Ryan, WWII era, War Injuries, no internalized homophobia, theyre mixed together but it ends happy i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 11:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14259516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CokeZero/pseuds/CokeZero
Summary: Shane and Ryan fall in love at the cusp of World War Two. This story follows their relationship and Ryan's life as a sailor in the Navy during the war and their lives after.





	Black Submarines

Album: El Camino by The Black Keys

Song: Little Black Submarines 

 

_Little black submarines_

_Operator please_

_Put me back on the line_

_Told my girl I'd be back_

_Operator please_

_This is wreckin' my mind_

_Oh can it be_

_The voices calling me_

_They get lost_

_And out of time_

_I should've seen it glow_

_But everybody knows_

_That a broken heart is blind_

_That a broken heart is blind_

 

* * *

 

Ryan was living at the Naval Station Great Lakes for training. He had always wanted to be in the Navy, had dreamed about it as a kid. He just didn’t think he’d be walking into it on the brink of a world war but he felt he was serving some kind of duty. 

 

Ryan walked into the bar that he had heard some guys he worked with talking about. “It’s got a bunch of queers,” one had sneered. The other laughed and asked if they should go sometime to beat some of them up. Ryan shuddered as he listened but made a mental note of the name. 

 

He sat down on a stool and ordered a beer, trying to keep his head down while still taking the scene around him in. 

 

“Hey, relax,” a man said as he sat next to him. “No one’s gonna tell your commander or anything you’re here.”

 

“How’d you know I’m Navy?”

 

“A lot of guys come here looking just like you. Nervous, unsure, worried. Is it your first time?”

 

“At a bar like this?” Ryan snorted and shook his head. “Hell no. I’m not ashamed of myself, it’s just risky with my job.”

 

The man nodded and smiled at him. “I understand. I’m Shane,” he held out his hand and Ryan shook it. 

 

“Ryan. What do you do, Shane?”

 

“I’m a student in Chicago. Studying history.”

 

“What would you do with a history degree?”

 

Shane laughed and shook his head. “You sound like my dad. Maybe I’ll be a professor or I’ll write a book about being gay in the 40’s or something.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure your dad would change his tune with that,” Ryan teased. 

 

“Definitely,” he nodded sagely. “My farmer father would adore me publicly declaring that I am a degenerate.” 

 

“At least you’re a good looking degenerate,” he said into his beer glass with a blush. 

 

“Are you hitting on me, Ryan?”

 

“Isn’t that what this bar is for?”

 

It was supposed to be just sex but they found they got along so well and it quickly morphed into a serious relationship. Within a few weeks of dating, Ryan knew he wanted to marry Shane one day if only it were legal. But he knew that would never happen, not in their lifetime at least. It was still worth it to be with Shane, even if no one could know about them. They would both lose everything they had worked for in their careers. 

 

Then his change of station letter came. 

 

“Washington?” Shane had asked sadly when he read the piece of paper Ryan had silently handed him. 

 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “What do you want to do?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well... we either stay together and make this long distance or we break up. I don’t want to break up, but... it’s up to you. I won’t force you to stay through this. We’re going to war soon and... you know not many men are surviving through this.”

 

“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t care about the war, I care about you and I want to be with you. I’d move there with you if I could.” 

 

Ryan smiled softly, “really?” 

 

“Of course. We love each other, right?”

 

“You’re right,” he reached over and kissed the back of Shane’s hands. “Then we can stay together, do phone calls and letters until you’re out of school and can move wherever I am.”

 

“I like that plan,” he leaned forward and held Ryan’s face in his hands and kissed him slow and loving. 

 

—

 

“Hey, I’m glad you called.” He could hear sadness in Shane’s voice. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked, concern creasing his brow. 

 

“I-I didn’t want to have to do this, Ryan. I’m so sorry.”

 

“What are you talking about? What do you have to do?”

 

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t date you like this. We never get to talk and it’s just... it’s too hard.” 

 

“You’re breaking up with me,” Ryan whispered when it hit him. “Baby, please, please don’t do this. I need you.”

 

“I need you, too, but I haven’t had you since you left. Not really.”

 

Ryan wiped at tears he didn’t realize were running down his face. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” 

 

The line was silent a long moment. 

 

“I still love you,” Shane whispered, the pain obvious in his voice. “I hope you still write me letters. I’ll write you, too. I need to know you’re okay.” 

 

“I’m not okay right now,” he said bitterly. “I’m not okay because you’re doing this to me.”

 

“Ryan,” he sighed before both of them went silent again. 

 

“I’ll write you,” Ryan hung up. He pressed his back against the wall and slid down it slowly before crying into his knees. 

 

—

 

He came home one day about a week after they broke up, shocked when he saw a familiar man at his door. “Shane?”

 

Shane smiled weakly, “hey.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I needed to apologize to you, for what I said, for breaking up with you. It was wrong of me, to decide this is too hard. It is hard, but not enough to give up on what we have. So. I’m moving here. If you want me to.” 

 

Ryan stared at him for a long moment before wrapping him in a tight hug. “Of course I want you to,” he whispered. 

 

Shane held him close and closed his eyes. “Thank you.” 

 

“What about school?” 

 

“I’ll transfer or drop out and get a job, I don’t care, I just need to be here.”

 

“Are you sure?” Ryan asked as he looked up at him. “I don’t want to ruin your life.”

 

“Baby,” Shane whispered, setting his hand on his cheek. “You couldn’t ruin my life even if you tried. I’ll follow you anywhere.”

 

“Let’s get inside, I’ve got to kiss you.”

 

Shane laughed and let him open the door, following him inside. 

 

—

 

Ryan felt confident in their relationship and how many things they had been through, but being stranded on a submarine off the coast of some country he didn't know the name of was proving difficult to deal with. He wrote letters and so did Shane but it was hard to send and receive them simply because he was so far from land. 

 

It had been eight months of that bullshit and Ryan could practically taste home. He had heard the war efforts were really going somewhere and the axis powers were all but defeated. 

 

He was walking toward his bunk when a loud metal pang rang out around him then something hit the side of the submarine, sending him flying sideways. He hit the wall, a sickening crack coming from his arm, as the alarm began to blare along with a red flashing light. People began to run all around him and he registered the sound of water rushing into the hull. 

 

He broke into action, forgetting the pain in his arm and head. 

 

Water was up to his thighs when another hit sent him falling once more, this time under the water and hitting his head on the floor. He gasped for air as his world went black. 

 

—

 

Ryan woke in a bright white room, laying on a small bed. He slowly lifted his head and looked around, finding he was in a long room lined with other men in beds similar to his own. He looked down at his arm, wrapped in stark white bandages. He turned his arm over to look at the underside and cringed at the deep crimson that tarnished the bandages. He wondered how bad the wound must have been to bleed that much. 

 

“Where am I?” He whispered. 

 

A nurse rushed to him, she must have noticed his movement or heard him speak. “I’m so glad you’re awake,” she said before she began to check on him, pressing him in areas all over his body. 

 

“Where am I?” 

 

“A hospital in London.”

 

“How did we survive? We were flooding.”

 

“A British ship was there, they saved as many of you as they could.” 

 

“I need to call home, I need to call my-my girl,” he said as he attempted to sit up despite the pain that seemed to come from all over his body. 

 

She gently pushed him back down. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait to do that, we all have to take turns.”

 

“I have to- I have to tell her I’m alive, she needs to know I’m alive, please, just let me call her,” he begged as he fought against the nurse. 

 

“Sir, you have to calm down.”

 

“You don’t understand, her heart, her heart’s gonna be broken if I don’t call.” 

 

Her face turned angry then and she pushed him onto the mattress forcefully. “My husband is on the front lines and I haven’t had word from him in four months. Trust me, I understand.” She took a deep breath and let go of his shoulders. "Everyone here understands. You're not the only one this war is touching."

 

He relaxed then and sighed. “I’m sorry, I... I can wait.”

 

“Thank you. It’ll probably be tomorrow, I’ll get your name on the list. Would you like some lunch?”

 

Ryan nodded, shifting in the bed. 

 

—

 

It was two days later when he finally was allowed to use the phone. He listened as it rang, praying Shane would answer. He didn’t want to have to wait another few days for a second chance to call. 

 

“Hello?” Shane voice mumbled over the line. Ryan remembered it was probably in the middle of the night or early morning where he was. 

 

“Oh my god, baby,” he whispered, relaxing against the wall. 

 

“Ry?” He sounded suddenly more awake and Ryan heard shuffling, picturing him with their plush blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he often did when he woke up. 

 

“Yeah, it’s me, god it’s good to hear your voice.” He felt his eyes begin to well up. 

 

“It’s good to hear yours, too. How are you alive?” Shane’s voice shook with emotion. “I heard about your submarine getting hit and they-they said only five of you survived it.” 

 

“I’m one of the five. I don’t even remember how I got out, the nurse said some British troops saved us.” 

 

“When can you come home?”

 

“I don’t know, my arm’s broken pretty bad... they don’t know if they can save it.”

 

“I know I said get home in one piece but now all I care about is you getting home,” he chuckled. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, I’m gonna come home. Just wait a little longer.” 

 

“I’m here-“ the line went dead and Ryan yelled out in frustration. 

 

“Why’d it cut of?” He shouted. 

 

“Time limits, man,” the guy behind him said. “Move on, I’m next.” He shoved past Ryan and grabbed the phone from him. 

 

“No!” He yanked it back and searched for the man who told him he could make his call. When he saw him walking toward him he began to shout again. “Hey! Put me back on the line, I wasn’t fucking done!” 

 

“Sir,” the man said when he was closer, “you have to share the phone time. If you don’t calm down you’ll be bumped to the bottom of the list.” 

 

Ryan clenched the phone tightly in his hand, clenching his jaw. “Fuck you. Let me call her back.” 

 

“I can’t do that. You’re holding up everyone else that has someone to go home to, they’d like to know their men are alive too.” 

 

He turned and smashed the phone against the receiver before walking off, trying to calm himself down. 

 

—

 

It was fourteen days before he was allowed another phone call. 

 

The delay was caused by a combination of punishment for his behavior and an infection that spread in his arm. They were treating it as best as they could but Ryan suspected he wouldn’t have it very much longer. His suspicion grew stronger each time he lost a little more feeling in it. 

 

“Are you still okay?” Shane asked. “I’ve been worried.”

 

“Yeah, I... got really mad when they cut me off last time and yelled at a bunch of people.” 

 

He chuckled, “yeah that sounds like you. How’s your arm?”

 

“It’s... not doing good. It’s infected and I can’t really feel my hand. I think it’s dying.”

 

“Which is it?”

 

“My left,” he glanced down at it, cringing at how pale it was. 

 

“At least it’s not the one you touch yourself with.”

 

Ryan burst into laughter. “You always know how to make me feel better, baby.”

 

“I try. They think you’re talking to a girl, right?”

 

“Yeah, obviously. You _are_  my dame,” he teased. 

 

“Oh don’t be such a fat head,” he chuckled. “Your time’s probably almost up so, despite what you just said, I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” he couldn’t stop the grin on his face even when he knew they were about to run out of time. “Tell me how you’re doing next time, okay? This war junk is depressing.”

 

He heard the line go dead before Shane could reply. 

 

—

 

Ryan fell into a fever due to the infection in his arm. He was delusional from it and began to fear he’d never hear Shane’s voice again. All he saw when he closed his eyes was the inside of the submarine being hit again and fleets of them attacking. 

 

“Please,” he whispered to his nurse one day, “please help me.”

 

“We’re trying to,” she reassured him. 

 

“I don’t care what you have to do, cut my arm off, just... I need to hear her voice again.”

 

She smiled sadly and nodded, by now familiar with the fact that he was deeply in love with someone at home. “You will, I promise.”

 

He closed his eyes and the black silhouettes of submarines swarmed his vision before everything went blank. 

 

—

 

He awoke in the middle of the night and found he wasn’t sweating despite being freezing cold. He figured the fever must have passed. 

 

He looked down at his arm to see if the infection had improved on it as well. 

 

It ended in a bandaged nub just below his elbow. 

 

He stared at it for a long moment before he began to sob as the pain and reality of the situation hit him. 

 

—

 

His next turn to call was the first time he had ever been unhappy at the prospect of talking to Shane. He almost wanted to skip it but he knew he would regret it if he did and Shane must have been worried with the delay in calling.

 

“Hello?” Shane answered, sounding happy and carefree. 

 

Ryan was terrified to ruin that mood for him, but spoke anyway because he needed Shane more than he wanted to admit. “It’s me.”

 

“Ryan,” his voice brightened which didn’t even seem possible from how happy it was to begin with. 

 

“How are you? You sound happy.”

 

“I got a book deal, I get to research and write about historical oddities and it’s more than enough to live on. I’m so excited, I just found out today.”

 

“That’s amazing, baby, I’m so proud of you.” He had to admit Shane’s happiness was rubbing off on him and brought a smile to his face. “I always knew you could put that big head to use.” 

 

“It’s all thanks to you. I never would have been in Washington to hear about this publishing company without you.”

 

“Well they better be dedicated to me, then.”

 

He chuckled, “of course. How are you?”

 

Ryan glanced down at what was left of his arm, trying to think of how to tell Shane what happened. “I... I had a really bad fever and I was out of it for a while. I kept having these crazy dreams.”

 

“Are you sick?”

 

“No, the fever was from the infection in my arm. It had been open for so long before I got here, I guess it broke and the bone broke my skin on the submarine. And it didn’t get better. It looked really bad there for a while. I... I lost the arm.”

 

“Does it hurt?”

 

“Not anymore.”

 

“Then that’s fine. We’ll learn how to adapt stuff to it and it’ll be okay.” 

 

“I needed your positivity,” he admitted, his eyes stinging. “I cried all night when I saw it the first time. I’m still scared but-“

 

“But I’ll help you. You don’t have anything to worry about, Ry.”

 

He smiled softly and nodded even if Shane couldn’t see it. “Yeah. You’re right.”

 

“I always am.”

 

They managed to say they loved each other just before the line cut off. 

 

—

 

Ryan began the long trek home when his arm had healed enough for the doctor to feel comfortable letting him leave. 

 

First it was a troopship over the Atlantic then trains across the country. The group he was with were welcomed as heroes everywhere they went but Ryan didn’t know how heroic he felt when most people greeted him with pity in their eyes after they saw his arm. 

 

It was the middle of the night when he finally stood outside his home, but he was wide awake. His body was struggling to adjust to the time zone and he had all but given up on getting a normal sleeping schedule again. 

 

He knocked on the front door, hoping Shane was awake. He hadn’t told him he was coming home because he wanted to surprise him, but realized there was a fault in that when he didn’t have a key with him. 

 

He was nervous, practically shaking with it, to see Shane. He was very supportive and understanding on the phone, but Ryan was scared that the reality of Ryan’s arm being gone would be too much. 

 

A light flipped on in the living room, Shane walking toward the door. His stomach flipped and he considered running. 

 

The door opened before Ryan could bolt and he lost all thought of it when he saw the man he had missed so desperately. 

 

“Ryan?” Shane asked, his voice rough with sleep. 

 

“That’s me,” he shrugged awkwardly, unsure of what to do. 

 

Luckily Shane made the first move. He pulled Ryan into a hug so tight he wasn’t sure if he could breathe. He wrapped his right arm around Shane, letting his left hang by his side. 

 

“Hold me properly, you punk,” Shane mumbled as he grabbed Ryan’s left arm and put it around him. “You’re fucking home,” he added before his body began to shake with silent tears. 

 

“Hey, don’t cry,” Ryan whispered, allowing himself to hug Shane with both arms and hold him close. 

 

“Can’t help it, I’m so fucking happy.” He pulled back just enough to look at Ryan. “You’re home.” 

 

He smiled softly and nodded, “I am.” 

 

Shane set his hands on his cheeks and stared at him a long moment and Ryan fought against feeling self conscious. “I was scared I’d never see this face again.” 

 

“Me too. But I made it and I’m not going anywhere again.”

 

“Better not,” Shane mumbled before kissing him gently. They went inside quickly after, hopeful the kiss was hidden from their neighbors in the dark of night. 

 

—

 

Ryan still had nightmares of black submarines his entire life but when he’d wake up from them begging to see the person he loved, Shane was right next to him. 

 

They lived a quiet life, lucky to escape much of the persecution many gay men went through especially as the AIDS crisis grew and people considered it punishment from God against gay men and used it to reinforce their hatred. 

 

They came out as a couple in the late 80’s when Shane wrote a book about their lives. Instead of generating hate, the world opened their heart to them and their story. The book was wildly successful and they toured all over the world, always together to sign the book and talk to people who related to their story. 

 

An overarching thing they heard, especially from young people, was that they were being kicked out of their homes for coming out as anything LGBT. 

 

“We have to do something about this,” Ryan said one day after a young girl had told them about her struggle of being homeless for five years after she came out as a lesbian. 

 

“I know that face. You have an idea brewing,” Shane said with a knowing smile. 

 

“Okay, picture this. A house with a bunch of rooms, bunks in them. Like a small camp. It’s open to anyone who’s parents have kicked them out. We can help with transportation and get them enrolled in public school near us or if they’ve graduated help them find jobs. We can do it just with the profits from the book.” 

 

“So like a gay safe house?”

 

“Yeah, basically,” Ryan nodded. 

 

“I think that’s a perfect idea.” 

 

—

 

It took two years to find the right house. It was on a few acres of land in Washington since Ryan read farm animals could be therapeutic for kids who struggled emotionally and had three different bunk rooms, a large game room, and a study room, as well as Ryan and Shane’s room, a living room, dining room (that was more an eating hall with the way they set it up so everyone could eat at one time), and a large kitchen. 

 

They ran the house for years until they were too old to do so and a few of the kids who had lived there took over for them. 

 

They considered them all their children which meant they attended hundreds of graduations, weddings, and birthday parties. 

 

When they were in their nineties gay marriage was legalized in the United States. 

 

They got married a month later on the land with their home and in attendance was every child that they had ever helped, some grown and with children of their own. 

 

Neither could stand for long periods of time so they sat in white chairs under an arch of greenery while one of the children who had lived with them and grown up to be a minister performed the ceremony. 

 

They didn’t exchange personalized vows, still fairly private people in public, but they did share a gentle kiss when they were declared husbands after over seventy years together to the sound of hundreds of people’s cheers. 

**Author's Note:**

> This project will hopefully have an update everyday as I go through my albums alphabetically (I currently own 74). It won't always be the same ship or fandom and each can be read independently.
> 
> This one took two days because I wanted to make it longer.


End file.
